And the things we don’t talk about…
Living offshore close to nature is fabulous. Natch. Why else are we all here? It’s a common thought bubble that has become a mantra we wrap it around our shoulders and wear for all to see. But not an entirely accurate one. Nature can be inconvenient. It’s just we don’t talk about it. So spare a thought for those who come here to work for the first time, particularly single operators like meter readers, telephone service people, sewage tank inspectors etc. Sometimes our little corner of Paradise can alarm people.
Take the recent case of a real estate agent. Invited by an offshore friend to inspect the property for possible sale – the Agent was overjoyed. The arrival by water, spacious boathouse, large entertaining area, separate self-contained cottage, sandstone everywhere, and stunning views – it all just screamed easy sell. He decided it should be a discreet campaign. No on-site inspections for tyre kickers. Only serious prospects would be invited to see the finer points of the estate. And they would be bowled over.
So it was with a spring in his step he arrived at the property to open up the house to air it for his first prospective buyers. To his horror he found a large Diamond Python (Morelia spilota spilota) wrapped around the outdoor coffee table. Saying ‘shoo’ to the python and waving his arms had no effect whatsoever. In panic he hid inside and called the owner who called the next-door neighbours who promised to see what they could do. By the time they arrived the python had slipped away but had left behind a deeply unnerved man.
The neighbours gave him good news. The Western Shores had a resident Snake Whisperer called Robin. Unlikely as it was, if it ever happened again, he could ring Robin to take the python away.
In the meantime the agent was invited to take a closer inspection of another python gently hanging about in the bush – just to settle him down and give him the facts about Pythons – the most placid of snakes and very rarely striking or biting humans despite enormous provocation.
Agent meets python
But standing a good two metres away was as close as the agent ever wanted to get. All he wanted was Robin’s number – just in case.
Just two weeks later the agent called Robin. Half way through the second inspection, as the prospective buyers were viewing the entertainment area, a three metre python dropped from the ceiling in front of them. They immediately lost any further interest in the place and asked to be taken back to the Point immediately. Could the Snake Whisperer please come urgently!
By the time Robin got to the house this second python had retired back into the ceiling. The Agent looked close to tears but Robin assured him he would keep an eye out for any reappearance and take it away. Duly, a couple of days later Robin spotted it on the deck and took it away.
Robin Haigh & Python 3
Watching Robin deal with Pythons is a thing of joy. He always talks gently to the python on approach, moves with unhurried ease to pick the Python up, one hand supporting the head and the other around the bottom half of the snake to stop any possible whiplash. Draping the snake over his shoulder, Robin allows the snake to wind around his body and neck, giving it time to settle. And off he sets for home promising the Python a treat for such good behaviour – a frozen rat from his fridge! Although this is all done in English the Pythons always seems to understand. And rats are their very favourite thing. It’s just an overnight stay with Robin but that’s all it takes to get everyone back on track.
Robin & Python 4
A week later Robin received another call. The Agent had gone up to the cottage to open the doors for another prospective buyer only to find a third python sunning itself on the deck. When Robin arrived he was sheltering behind a chair. Robin silently recognised him as an ophidiophobia sufferer (fear of snakes) and quickly departed with the snake in hand.
Robin & Python 5
A week later it happened again. A different python about 2 metres long and beautifully patterned was in the same spot on the deck. And again a week later – a fourth python was also catching the rays on the sunny deck. By this stage Robin was forming a theory: he postulated to the Agent that the first large Python was a female who left a pheromone trail which was attracting a series of prospective mates.
Robin & Python 6
But the joy of possibly proofing a scientific theory was of no comfort to the Agent. All he could think about was that there would be a continuous stream of male Pythons while the return of the larger female Python was always on the cards.
And those males really did keep on coming – just as Robin had forecast. The next lot of visitors were three Pythons tangled up together near the inclinator engine box near the boatshed – just metres away from any prospective buyers’ first footfall on the property – putting all inspections on hold until Robin could come and sweep the property.
With Agent’s nerves now in tatters the maintenance man and Robin dropped in to see him when he next arrived. They suggested that, contrary to standard real estate practices, it might be a good idea to keep the doors closed until the Agent was actually showing people around so that pythons did not sneak in at the last moment. Precisely at that moment a green tree snake slithered past them, through the cottage door, hiding behind the piano just as the next prospective buyers were on the inclinator on the way up.
To his great credit the Agent hung in until he finally sold the property. We understand that he is now semi retired. Whether or not this was as a result of his Western Shores gig, the experience is expected to stay with him for the rest of his life.
PS: If you have a python problem call Robin. He sees the task of removing pythons as a community service – keeping everyone safe, both pythons and people.