SUZANNE: Hello Dorottya, and thanks so much for agreeing to do this. I know from our walks and talks that you’ve had an incredibly interesting and challenging life. And that you’ve achieved so much during your adult years, often against the odds. Could you please tell us more about yourself?
DOROTTYA: My name, as you say, is Dorottya. Aussies usually pronounce it as ‘Dorothya’ but there is no ‘h’. I’m Hungarian. I used to say was born and raised in Hungary, but the truth is I still feel Hungarian even though I have now lived much longer in Australia than I did in Hungary. I was 26 when I left and 27 when I arrived as a political refugee, having spent eight months in a ‘camp’ in Austria waiting for the paperwork to come through.
I am now 63. Australia was generous back then once you were approved. I came with my then husband and we were flown in and accommodated in the Villawood Migration Centre for several months, and then in a low-rent apartment for another year or so. But it was still scary, we didn’t know anybody, and my husband was too self-centred to accept assistance or advice. I was young at heart, inexperienced and naïve – and found myself pregnant upon arrival. I still envy, viscerally envy, all those women who have a happy pregnancy and motherhood. All I can remember is being scared, not knowing anything or anybody, and not having any money. But eventually things settled, and I’ve never regretted making this leap of faith and moving to the other end of the world. In fact, I count my blessings that I could make a home for myself in this country and was given opportunities to thrive. Well, you had to work extra hard as a migrant to prove yourself professionally, and you always remain an outsider to some extent, but I am grateful and have no regrets.
If I can indulge in a little vignette: I remember doing the rounds trying to find jobs and talking to a guy at ABC FM who was politely dismissive. A decade or so later, I talked to him again about something. By then he was retrenched from the ABC and I was a permanent academic at UNSW with a PhD. He looked at me with unblinking distant eyes and a smiling disbelief on his face and said: ‘So you are part of the establishment now, heh?’ Well, I’m not sure he was right but there you have it.
So why do I still feel Hungarian rather than Aussie? Perhaps it’s the schooling, the culture. I had a wonderful education in Hungary, especially at the tertiary level. I studied at the Liszt Academy of Music (see the photo below), which is a famous institution established by the 19th century piano virtuoso, Ferenc Liszt, and the alma mater of many renowned composers, pianists, violinists, singers, and conductors. It is housed in a gorgeous Art Nouveau building and, as students, we were given free passes to all concerts in the building and in other concert and opera venues. For five years I spent most of my evenings attending the performances of an endless list of classical music stars from all over the world and then discussed them late into the night with my fellow students.
It was sheer bliss and a priceless opportunity. I miss that, and I am sorry my students at UNSW do not have such exposure at that impressionable age.
Budapest-Zeneakadémia
Of course, nowadays we have marvellous and bottomless offerings online but that is no substitute for the feeling of a ‘once in a lifetime’ live experience. BTW, I’m also critical of the formal education I received: they set high standards in terms of what we needed to know but they never taught us what to do with that knowledge and how to question received wisdom, how to be a critical thinker. I suppose that’s not what an authoritative regime would want to teach! Here I’m again grateful to Australia and the great Anglo tradition of analytical thinking that I was introduced to here during my masters and doctoral studies.
I also loved my summer holidays when my sister and I could take out a month-long Eurail pass and criss-cross all over Europe, visiting the great cities, their museums and other historic places and monuments, getting lost tracking in the Alps, and sleeping next to snoring mountaineers and rock climbers in sweaty hostels before attending various high-end art/music festivals on dirt cheap student tickets. I love the European landscape, forests, trees, lakes, rivers, and used to miss them tremendously until I developed a real flair for the beauty of the eucalypts, boabs, big open spaces, and the BUSH, thanks largely to outback cycling tours and various bushwalking experiences. Now I’m blessed by occasionally living in this beautiful part of the world thanks to Phil. This is an entirely new chapter in my life, and I still feel somewhat like a stranger and imposter, but I love it and often reflect on how much the traditional owners of this land, the Gai-mariagal people, must have enjoyed living here. I feel guilty when I contemplate my fortune vis a vis their misfortune. I need to offer compensation. I/we need to put this right somehow!
SUZANNE: I couldn’t agree more, and I know you do contribute to balancing that ledger. So, thank you for that, as well as for sharing so many interesting and personal stories with us. Ok, question time, please. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
DOROTTYA: I think happiness is such a misnomer and an American/Hollywood lie. Being satisfied with your lot, having purpose, a lovely family and friends, and being healthy are treasures that we tend to overlook until we suddenly lose them. Having said this, I like being out in nature, and enjoy its stillness and beauty. I love pedalling on my board up Salvation creek and listening to silence, the water, the wind, the birds. It makes my heart and spirit fill with joy – I feel connected with timeless powers greater than I. This is beyond happiness, it is bliss! I like feeling my own limitedness, ‘minusculesness’ in the greater scheme of things – the timeline of the Universe, the trees, the rocks, the sea.
SUZANNE: I’m 100% with you on that! What is your greatest fear?
DOROTTYA: Becoming paralysed and being totally dependent on somebody. That would humble me to no extent and would probably make me beg for euthanasia – admitting to which is humbling itself. I am also horrified at the thought of being tortured although I would probably quickly pass out as I do when I experience (sudden) pain. I absolutely admire survivors as well as those who succumbed but remained true to themselves.
SUZANNE: I don’t know many born and bred Aussies who would even contemplate the possibility of being tortured. Which says a lot about how lucky we are to live here. What is the trait you most dislike in yourself?
DOROTTYA: Probably lots of things: being hesitant and second guessing myself a lot; interrupting others during conversation; being envious of people, however slightly, since I really have a great life; and being a slow thinker – terrible when you are in a business meeting and can’t come up with a good counterargument against some silly and detrimental proposal until well after the meeting has concluded! I am also still working on my righteousness streak, getting better but still raises its ugly head at times. Being overtly passionate can come across as forceful or opinionated – not a good look. Do I talk too much? Perhaps that’s an awful trait as well!
SUZANNE: When someone is as interesting as you, I’m not sure ‘talking too much’ is an issue! What is the trait you most dislike in others?
DOROTTYA: Greed, gossiping, bigotry, being narrow-minded, conceited, arrogant, and judgemental. I think tolerance is so underrated as is being able to see other’s point of view. Honesty is also very important. I don’t like people who lie or pretend, nor those who are pretentious.
SUZANNE: Which person (living or deceased) do you most admire, and why?
DOROTTYA: I admire many people I know, including my partner, Phil Pryke, who is the most generous man I have met in years and whose positive attitude to life is a blessing. He is a contributor and I value that. I admire my son Mark for his integrity, intellectual capacity and rigour. As I age, I increasingly admire my parents. They lived through the turmoils of the 20th century, lost everything several times, feared for their lives, lost family and friends to war, famine, brutal regimes, and emigration, yet never lost their integrity, their trust in providence, their optimism, their resolve to be content and loving. I admire my colleague Sandy Evans, the famous jazz saxophonist, for her creativity, generosity, musicianship and joie de vivre in spite of very difficult personal circumstances.
And of those I only know of, I am in awe of many composers, like J.S. Bach, Stravinsky, Bartók, Berlioz, Wagner and so many others for the music they created. How on earth did they know how to notate what they heard in their head? And what wonderfully timeless pleasure they gave us, that performers can re-invent time and time again. I also admire people who are or have been trying to make the world a better place and those with entrepreneurial vision, who see a business opportunity and can create something that fills a need or is simply a great idea. For instance, I admire the founders of ‘Who gives a crap’ – recycled toilet paper, tissues and other products that donate 50% of their profit to Water Aid. However, I admire even more those traumatised orphan refugees arriving from war-torn Afghanistan, Syria and other places with obvious resilience and hopes for their future. I honestly don’t know how they manage. And although I’m not a royalist at all, I do admire QE2. She has been serving in her role quite selflessly since a young age. It must have been truly hard at times.
SUZANNE: And I know that you wrote this before she died, and that event has saddened you, as it has so many others who admired and respected the Queen. Which person (living or deceased) do you most despise, and why?
DOROTTYA:: Obviously history gives you quite a list of qualifying people. So let’s stick with current ones. I am deeply angry with and despise Prime Minister Viktor Orban. He is ruining Hungary: he is a liar and a dangerous, populist demagogue. I feel ashamed to be a Hungarian because of him. He misleads many well-meaning but gullible Hungarians while allowing shameless, self-interested Hungarians to thrive. He fuels racism and discriminatory thinking. I’m disgusted by Scott Morrison and his arrogant smugness (not to mention his disregard for democratic and transparent processes), and just can’t believe Donald Trump still has followers. What a shame on the Republican Party! However, I hate most of those who harm children: sexually, physically, mentally. It is just pure evil even if it might be a form of mental illness. I also hate greed, especially when it negatively impacts on the environment and living beings.
SUZANNE: What is your greatest achievement?
DOROTTYA: Hmm, I don’t think I have achieved anything ‘great’ but I’m proud of my professional achievements, especially of becoming professor at a Go8 university. And I’m very pleased that I have a good relationship with my ex and can look back on 25 hard-ish years of marriage with gratitude and peace of mind.
SUZANNE: What is your greatest regret?
DOROTTYA: Not having more children. But fortunately Phil has a big family with five grandchildren already.
SUZANNE: Which talent would you most like to have?
DOROTTYA: To speak several languages with ease and fluency at the drop of a hat. I was better (but never good) at this when living in Europe and am determined to focus on it (and travel) when I retire. I would also like to get back into playing my musical instruments again. I used to love playing the piano, flute, and the violin. I was reasonably OK at the first two but only started the violin when I was nearly 50. I loved the challenge. Perhaps I could train up to the level required for joining an amateur orchestra when I retire? I like singing too and I treasure the memory of singing beautiful repertoire in great choirs back in Hungary! Being able to sing in opera would be fantastic, or to have the flexibility and figure of a ballerina (he-he-he)!
SUZANNE: What is your motto?
DOROTTYA: ‘Live and let live’ is a favourite, as well as ‘Everything has a price tag’. I also like to believe that ‘Everything that goes around, comes around’ and ‘Charity starts at home’.
SUZANNE: Last question, please Dorottya. Why did you choose Australia as your new home?
DOROTTYA: My husband chose Australia (from the possible pool of Canada, the US, Sweden or Austria), essentially because it was the furthest away, I had no relatives here, and was sunny and warm. I think he made an excellent choice!
SUZANNE: It’s been delightful speaking with you, as always. And from my perspective, Australia and the Bays are lucky that you ended up making our home your own.
Note: This Q&A was adapted from Antionette Faure’s 1886 questionnaire. It was made famous by its first contributor, Marcel Proust, and is now known as the Proust Questionnaire. Of course.